The taper madness is real over here.

This being my first attempt at training for and running a marathon, many friends warned me about the taper, and that it would bring with it some crazy thoughts.  I brushed them off, because I’m not really that serious of a runner; I’m nervous and excited to run on Sunday, but I won’t be crushed when I don’t BQ. Spoiler alert: that’s zero chance of that happening anyway.

Here’s the deal though people, even if you’re not a “serious” runner, it’s entirely possible to get on board the crazy train and take it all the way to Taper Town Madness.  It started simple enough the weekend after my “long run” of 10 miles.  I had run early Saturday morning, grabbed a coffee after and munched on a bagel. Not the most nutritious but I’m not perfect and usually after Saturday runs I’m not hungry until around lunch time. This day was different. After my bagel I was still STARVING, like I hadn’t eaten in months and I might pass out from hunger.  I would eat something, and then 30 minutes later the hunger pains would return.

I have used this picture before. It is still, and always will be both hilarious and true.

This cycle continued over and over and for the next three days I could not eat enough to stay full. Naturally I turned to Google and WebMD, diagnosing myself with a tape worm. Don’t do that, because chance are really good it’s not a tape worm. I think the hunger is finally under control, or at least back to a normal for me level. I mean, I’m still hungry all the time but not about to pass out. So, slightly better.

I have started to question whether I will even remember how to run. Because putting one foot in front of the other for four plus hours is something I might not remember how to do.  Obviously that’s a completely rational thought.

Google has also allowed me to self diagnose my own ITB syndrome, due to some soreness in my knee. Naturally I assumed this spelled doom for my marathon goals.  Especially when you add in all the tightness I was feeling in my right hip flexor. So stiff and sore, surely something was broken inside all that muscle.  Turns out, all I really needed to do was adjust my work chair. No knee injury at all. Just a case of being insane and jumpimg to the immediate worst case scenarios.

I need a jump to concussions mat. It would solve a lot of my issues.

For the most part I’ve kept my insane thoughts between Google and myself. The latest, and hopefully last example of my complete and total mental breakdown has forced me to admit I need to just stop with the insanity. Not only am I driving myself crazy, but I made my friend and coworker worry needlessly. Monday night I met Julie to get our nails done and when I got home my eye was a little red. Granted, I’d had my contacts in longer than I normally do, but that didn’t reassure me. I do have a history of eye problems that have led to a corneal ulcer and a little scaring. Naturally I assumed I was having another flare up and this would ruin my entire marathon experience. I texted one of the doctors I work with, asking her to take a look at my eye the next day. She is amazing and assured me I could squeeze in to a jam packed schedule because if it was flaring up, I needed it checked right away.  I woke up Tuesday and it was fine. Because of course it was. I am just a neurotic basket case.

These are just a sampling of my crazy thoughts. I will keep the rest of them to myself, because I don’t want to scare you guys too much and have someone send the men in white coats for me.  The marathon is now just three days away. I’m oscillating between “Oh my God, what have I done?” and “Bring it on, Sunday can’t get here fast enough!” Hopefully I find some middle ground in the coming days.

Side note, it took me two days to write this post. I’m blaming the taper.

3 thoughts on “The taper madness is real over here.

  1. I hate tapering. I mean, I love it, I need it, but it totally does a number on me. I’m guessing at this point your taper madness has turned into just straight up madness with the race being so close. I seriously cannot wait for you to run this. I will be sending you good juju the entire day and eagerly awaiting a recap!

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