This is a blog post I’ve written in my head dozens of times, usually while I’m running. I am sure it’s one that dozens of other running bloggers have written as well. I’m also fairly certain it’s something all runners struggle with at one point or another. And yet, here I am, writing about it and doing it pretty constantly.
When it comes to my running, I’m very proud of how far I’ve come and the progress I’ve made in the last 12 months. For instance, I can decide one day to go run eight miles because that’s what feels good on that particular day. At this time last year, I couldn’t run two miles without taking many walk breaks, and my pace was several minutes slower per mile.
In the last six months, I have run a handful of 5Ks and three half marathons and I continually contemplate signing up for the full 26.2. And when I look back over the last year, I’m blown away at who I’ve become as a runner and how that has made me a stronger, better person.
Photo from the most awesome Michelle
And yet…Yet I am still comparing myself to other runners, constantly wishing I was stronger and faster. I am often berating myself for not being able to do more races, longer training runs, more speed work. After all the progress, amazing personal achievements, why isn’t it enough for me? I don’t have the answer, but I wish I did. Because it IS enough. The races I’ve run, the PRs I’ve achieved, the new distances. Everything I do, it’s because I love this sport more than I ever thought possible. And when I compare myself to others, I’m only cheating myself.
Finishing my first half marathon has been the biggest achievement of my running. It is to be celebrated, not used as a measuring stick.
I have quite a few friends who have been running for years, who are faster than me, who can run ten miles in the morning, work all day and then go to spin class in the evening. I have a friend who ran 3:15 last year, AT Boston, in the horrible heat. I have a different friend who runs a marathon every two weeks, who never seems to get tired. It’s a never-ending list of faster splits, farther distances from friends and running buddies, fellow bloggers, strange people who show up to running group events.
And I have to constantly remind myself, I am not them. I don’t know their story, but I do know mine. I am not twenty-five years old anymore. I can’t run for two hours in the morning before dashing off to work and taking a shower there. I can’t run right after work, I can’t hit them gym on my way home.
My story is not theirs. I am thirty-two years old and I’ve been running consistently for less than one year. I have two kids who need me in the morning to get them up and ready for the day by 7:00. I have to rush home from and make dinner for those same kiddos, so that Kaleena can be in bed by 6:00, lest we anger the sleep monster. I have to fit in bath times, snuggles, and silly stories before I’m able to put on my running clothes. I get up earlier on the weekends than I do on the weekdays so I can fit in a long run and still get home to make pancakes and have a family breakfast.
This is my story. It makes me who I am. I don’t need to compare my running times and paces to other runners, it’s not a competition. I don’t need to compare my training goals to anyone else, I run for me. Yes, I want to get better and running with my faster friends will certainly help me get there. But in the end, I run for me. I run because it brings me peace and clarity in my crazy hectic life. I run because I like the challenge of setting goals and achieving them. I run because I love it. And that IS enough.
So profound, right? Now if only we could all remember and believe this on a constant basis.
Oh, I just want to hug this entire post! When I read this line, “when I compare myself to others, I’m only cheating myself,” I literally shouted, “Bingo!” So right on!
It’s funny the things that can impact our running that we might not think about or realize. I am currently in a running hayday of sorts. I’m unemployed with no kids and no friends near me. Thus, I run. (Although, I’d gladly run less and live near my friends and have a job.) I’m working out more than I ever had, doing speedwork, hillwork, cross training. It’s more than I’ve ever done. But it’s also because running is 75% of my life right now. I also don’t run races since I live in running Siberia. But these are things that will change when I move. And when/if I have a family.
And I like that you prioritize and don’t apologize for it. Those family breakfasts are worth much more than a PR. Really well said. Excellent post!*
Aw, Amy, your response made me all teary, thank you for that. I will admit to being jealous of your ability to focus so much on your training. But I do not envy you in the slightest being so far away from everyone.
I think when we compare ourselves, we forget that what might seem ideal to some (for instance the fact that your situation allows you to run so often) and we forget that it often comes with a sacrifice (being so far away from family and being able to teach).
Word.
great post and so well put! i think runners tend to do a lot of the comparing and a part of it is because that trait will help us improve…look to others and see wat has helped them, inspire us to keep working hard. BUT it’s insanely hard to keep that tendency in check and not get so focused on wat others are doing that we belittle our own HUGE accomplishments. u’ve accomplished so much and have worked so hard…be proud of where u are, girl!!
Thank you. I think we need to realize the difference between healthy comparison and detrimental comparison. Because you’re right, it is very helpful to see what has worked for other, but to compare the results is the problem, I think.
I can relate with this! I have friends who can do marathons every few weeks, I can only trust my legs to do 2 a year, and STILL fight some sort of injury! When I stop thinking about what everyone else can do, and appreciate what I can do, it becomes a lot more satisfying. Be proud of the things that you’re doing!
Two marathons a year is a huge accomplishment, considering less than 1% of all Americans will ever run a marathon.
I stumbled upon this from Army Amy. I wrote this exact post last year… I think every runner goes through this process. But this is such a great reminder! DONT LET ANYONE STEAL YOUR JOY! Way to go and keep it up and run for you… not for anyone else.
I have decided that my new running mantra (for lack of a better word) is going to be joy, to remind myself of all that I have achieved.
We are soo similar. I, too, used to compare myself to others but now I try to make sure I just compare myself to myself. I have the same issues you do, small children that are demanding, a family life, busy work schedule. (and I’m 32 too… )
Tara, are you sure we’re not the same person? I find that I feel a lot better when I compare myself to me of last year, or two years ago. I need to remember to do that instead.
Way to go, Steph. Be proud of how far you’ve come, and just enjoy the ride!
I don’t tend to worry to much about comparing myself to others when it comes to running, but I struggle to not compare myself to MYSELF with this injury. This next half marathon will probably take me 50% longer than my last. And I’m learning to be okay with that and just enjoy the journey!
I’m working on building up from an injury too, and it’s hard not to think how much easier things were before. I completely understand the struggle not to compare your paces/times/abilities to full 100% healthy you.
Honestly, I’m very impressed by all that you are balancing and what are doing. I think the time thing gets so over done. Runners of all speeds, shapes and sizes is what makes this sport was it is. I think the diversity and acceptance make running something more than just a bunch of skinny white people.
Thank you. I know there are a lot of people who are juggling just as much, and more, and are able to get it all done, we just have to try to do the best we can.
Love this post!! So true!
Thank you!
Loved this post. I can relate in so many ways. I am in my mid-30′s with two children and a full time job. I constantly have to remind myself to stop comparing my running to others and be proud that I made the commitment to fit in my running into my already busy schedule.
Making the commitment IS something to be proud of. For so many people that one thing is just very difficult (real or imagined), no matter the circumstances.
Really loved this post. I totally get it and deal with this A LOT! I am constantly seeing other peoples instagram photos of their sub 8 min 20 mile runs and they make me feel so bad about myself. I go through the whole, “well how can she do it but I cant?”. At one point, I actually had to stop looking at certain peoples photos and tweets bc I couldn’t handle seeing how much faster they run than me.
And this is totally silly, because the only person that matters is ourselves.
My advice that I tell myself is to only focus on me, and the positives. Sure I can’t run a sub 3:30 marathon at the moment, but I have run a marathon, and that is pretty amazing too. As are your half marathons after only being a runner for a year!
Continue to keep your eye on what is important, which is you (and family, health, etc.).
Ali